As many of you know, I wasn’t thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. It took me a few months to get used to the idea that I would shortly be a mother. And when I finally accepted it, I was convinced that I was having a boy. My entire life I have always wanted to have a son first. I am the oldest child in my family and I loved the idea of having a big brother, so naturally I decided, and had apparently convinced my sub-conscious, that I would have a son first. Boy did my reality take a turn when the specialist said “IT’S A GIRL!” I burst into tears and double checked at every other ultrasound appointment to make sure there really was a little girl growing inside me.
My mum told me that she thought I was having a boy but hoped I would have a girl just for “pay backs”. And that’s exactly why I didn’t want to have a girl. I know what I’m like. I’m a little high maintenance and can sometimes be a bit of a diva with a little bit of sass and occasionally I have an attitude. I don’t have the patience to deal with that.
When I talked to a ‘big sister’ role model of mine, she told me that she loved having a daughter because they became best friends while her husband was working. They enjoyed the same movies and talked a lot. Her daughter helped to look after the other kids and resumed control of all motherly duties (haha ok, not ALL).
Thinking of having a daughter in that light has made me feel differently about carrying our little girl. In church we are taught that we are daughters of God who should strive to live virtuously, righteously, and faithfully. It is not an easy feat to BE this kind of woman in the world that we live in today, but the pressure to RAISE this kind of woman places a huge weight on my shoulders that I am struggling to bear already.
My husband and I talk often about the kind of person we hope our daughter will be. With our differing personalities, hobbies, culture, heck, even skin colour, it will be interesting to see how our little girl turns out. And so we begin teaching her now, while she is still in the womb, growing. She may not understand our words, but we hope she feels our faith, love, and diligence.
Every night Bryton reads to her and sometimes it’s heavy church literature that even I can’t understand. The two of us work hard and have studied hard to provide a strong educational background for our children. We hope that our daughter can feel that in the way that we talk even now. We make plans to ensure that all our children will see the impact and benefits that come from education and hope that they will be influenced to follow suit.
Although we make plans now to provide a well balanced life for all our children, especially our little girl arriving very soon, we are open to whatever choices they will make because we know that everyone is entitled to agency. We just hope that they know we will be here for them no matter what.
Because our little girl is not with us just yet, we don’t really know what to expect in terms of what she will be like. Maybe she’ll be a diva like her mum, or maybe she’ll be sensitive like her dad. But as parents, we have no expectations at all. She can be whoever she wants to be and we will love her unconditionally.
It is difficult to write about what it’s like to be pregnant with a daughter because I know no different. I don’t know what it’s like to be pregnant with a son so I have nothing to compare this to. But I feel that there is a different kind of excitement when you know that a little girl will be joining your family purely because there are different lessons that I, as her mother, will need to teach her; the role of a woman and her purpose in this life. I want her to know that she can work hard and provide for her family, and that she can also nurture her children and love and care for them. I want her to know that she will work equally with her husband to provide a well balanced life for her own family. That as long as they put the Lord first, their roles will be made clear to them and they will support each other in their responsibilities. I especially want her to know that a woman is no better than a man nor is a man better than a woman, but that they share equal partnership and by working together they can accomplish magnificent things.
I am sure that from the way my mum has raised me, the example of my darling husband, and the divine guidance from our Heavenly Father, I will be able to cope with the challenges that raising a daughter will bring. I am excited to meet our little girl. Carrying her has been both a great challenge and a blessing for which I will be ever grateful for. I cannot wait to step up to the task of raising a daughter.
I’m so excited because today I’ve teamed up with two very inspirational mum’s to talk about pregnancy and raising daughters.
Our three-part collaboration illustrates our own experiences of pregnancy and motherhood and I definitely recommend you check them out!