This is kind of hilarious because as I write this post I am eating Choc fudge sundae ice cream and contemplating having seconds 😉
You know when you think you’re really fat and then 3 years later when you’re actually fat and you look back at photos and realise you weren’t fat at all?? Yeah, that’s happened to me. Before I got pregnant I thought I was fat. When I got married – 3 years ago now – I weighed 54kgs. I don’t know how I dropped to that weight, I ate Big Macs a lot. As you do when you get married, I put on weight and at the beginning of my pregnancy – just over a year after we got married – I weighed 62kgs. All up I put on 13kgs during pregnancy. Side note: I can’t believe I’m sharing all of these numbers with you! After I had Aston I lost most of the weight fairly quickly (thank you, breast feeding) BUT play dates happened. And I totally 100% blame Chelsea for this If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know my friend Chelsea. We were good friends in YSA, she was my bridesmaid, I wasn’t pretty enough to be hers HAHAHA, and we got pregnant close together. She had her son 2 weeks before I had Aston. So we met up every week. Every Wednesday I’d be at her house or she’d be at mine or we’d both be at the mall. Every Wednesday our lunch would be McDonald’s. We both LOVED McFlurry’s so that was always ordered with our combos. So yes, I would blame Chelsea for me getting fat. Hahahaha I’m kidding by the way (in case you don’t understand my sense of humour). So I gained weight pretty fast, as you can imagine. After a few months I signed up to a gym and I was going 3 nights a week. That was the most I could fit into my week. I really enjoyed it because at the time I was still on maternity leave so I used it as “me time”. It was the only time during the week where I could get out of the house alone. In February this year both Chelsea and I started back at work. Since then I basically have not been back to the gym. Well I have, but I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been since I started back at work. I have several “excuses”. Time, or lack there of. Energy, or lack there of. And being so busy. Yep, those are my lame excuses. When I see people like Chontel Duncan on my social media, exericising with her beautiful baby bump, with her long legs, perfect bum, and toned abs, I so badly want to look like that. And then at the same time I’m like “uh, I don’t really want to go to the gym enough to look like that“. Hahaha. And then Whittaker’s comes up with these great flavours of chocolates and they taste so delicious and I have to have a block every week. Damn you, sugar!
So yeah, I look at photos of myself pre-pregnancy and wish I’d appreciated that thin body and flat stomach. Now I have a bloated tummy all of the time and legs that wobble when I walk. I think about going to the gym all the time but honestly, just can’t be bothered. I’m not disciplined AT ALL. I’m totally lazy. I complain, yet I still don’t do anything about it. I’m basically that annoying person that I don’t like. I know people who wake up at 5am every morning to run. That’s not me. I have 3 alarms that go off before I get out of bed at 7am. And I’m still exhausted by the time I get to work at 9.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is. I definitely do not want people saying to me “but Kayne, you’re not even fat”. Um, girlfriend, you do not see the flab that is my stomach because I wear clothes to disguise it. And if I’m wearing a tighter dress, I’m sucking in and it hurts, but there’s no way I’m letting you see the flab! Do not tell me you don’t do it! Haha. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re not alone, Mama! Stop comparing yourself. Stop comparing yourself to your friends, people you follow on social media, and stop comparing yourself to yourself. I’m not perfect at this! Sometimes an old photo of me comes up and I think “gosh I was better looking when I was skinny!” But when you constantly start to think like this and beat yourself up, eventually you’re going to hurt yourself. Maybe not physically, but certainly emotionally and mentally. Now, I don’t weigh myself. I can’t tell you how much I weigh because I don’t actually know. I know I should be exercising because it’s good for me and my body needs it. I should also stop eating all that chocolate and junk food. But it’s sooooo good! So when you have a solution to dealing with this problem, will you please let me know? In the meantime, I’m just learning to focus on the things that I do like about myself. Like my hair. When it’s freshly washed, dried, and straightened, it can look pretty damn good! And I don’t need to go to the gym to do that 😉